🔗 Share this article Balancing the Desire for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with new partners once more. Reflecting on the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men have open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.