🔗 Share this article Those Advice given by My Father That Saved Us as a First-Time Father "I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year." Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father. Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated. Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support. The direct words "You're not in a good place. You need support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing. His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who still internalise damaging notions of manhood. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again." "It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling. They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older. Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices. The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship. Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish. "You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming. Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring. Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children. "I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."
"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year." Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father. Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated. Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support. The direct words "You're not in a good place. You need support. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing. His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to communicate among men, who still internalise damaging notions of manhood. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again." "It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling. They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective. He understood he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood. He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older. Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices. The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship. Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish. "You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone. Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming. Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring. Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked. When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their children. "I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen. "I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."